Someday… Somehow… Somewhere…

SOMEDAY: Last night as I lay in bed next to a sleeping Jim I started to cry. I wasn’t crying for any real reason… Other than someday we are all going to die. I fear not my own death but those of the people I love. They are my foundation, my earth if you will… What does anyone do without those that they love? I understand the concept of go on, but not really. And as I sat there last night and cried (quietly I didn’t want to wake Jim) I realized something, I am a very lucky person… For many reasons but I am thinking of these ones. I am loved and love so many people. And the VAST MAJORITY of them have been here for the important parts of my life. My parents (whom I love more than life itself) saw me graduate from high school, get my first job, grow up, cry more tears than I knew any one person could cry at once (they have been there for me through this more times than you could believe) have boyfriends, and ultimately get married. Shit my mother was there with me when I decided to live, she’s been there for everything. My Nana was alive long enough for me to love and appreciate a quality homemade dinner the importance of playing games and the peace of a clean home. My Papa was here to see me go into middle school and long enough too for me to love him and not even know that he wasn’t my blood. My blessed Bampi was given as a gift from Heaven and I got to learn to “rope rabbits”, “cut my head off” and know that there is always enough love to go around. Mimi, well she was there until it was okay to go. She waited until Jim told her he was going to ask me to marry him, she waited until Adam was graduating officially, Christy was about to graduate from college, her eggs were all in their nests and it was her time. I have so many other people that I could put in here, probably you! But I chose these people because they are either gone or ill. You probably know that my Mom has stage 4 brain cancer and 2 b lung cancer (and if you want the link to her cares page which I update with changes often send me an email or leave a message here and I will send you an invitation), and my dad has been ill for years… Though lately I feel like I can watch him fade a little more each week, it’s as if mom being sick is literally killing him. All of these people are my rock and someday they are going to leave me… How can I keep them around and at the same time let them know how much I love them?

SOMEHOW: How do I keep them around and at the same time let them know how much I love them? That question is asked and answered within the same question. Look! If you turn is around it says If I show them how much I love them I will keep them around longer. If I fill their bellies with healthy foods, cover their feet and heads with warmness and love, and speak the words they need to hear and I need to say they will be here forever, if not physically then assuredly in my heart. If it my heart and actions that make my loved ones immortal then do they need to be near?

SOMEWHERE: If it my heart and actions that make my loved ones immortal then do they need to be near? This is a question that tears at my heart. When my parents are gone do I want to live in the house that has always been “ours”. My address screams to me, it says “I am the happy home of Joy, Jim, Joan and Bob… I am their shelter from the storm. I am the place they come to when they need to shed tears, I am the location of many of their favorite memories, I have been here for a lot of their worst disappointments, I have worked hard to keep them together as a family… I have muffled tears, shouted joys, and spewed forth great gifts from my refrigerator and oven. I am their home.” When it isn’t the four of us anymore will it be home anymore? Or is my home ready to move on too? I don’t know… I guess I will know when the time is right!

For now here is a recipe for you to help make your home a little happier, more productive and well homelike, it’s what I will be doing this weekend.

1 ready made Keebler Pie Crust (I prefer the shortbread, the fat free
Graham Cracker crust is extremely dry)

1 pkg of instant pudding (your flavor of choice)
1 8oz pkg. fat free cream cheese (I use low fat to avoid a lot of fat and chemicals)
1 14 oz can crushed pineapples (in its own juice)
1 container of Cool Whip Free

Combine pudding (dry), cream cheese and pineapple. Stir by hand. Place in pie crust. Top with Cool Whip. Refrigerate a minimum of 1 hour.

I wish for you a peaceful weekend!