What a sweet day

So I have another post that I really want to write… But do you ever just have something nagging at you and want to “get it over with” well that is this post… I want to show off the finished cake from cake class (SO much fun and I am signing up for level 2 in October)
So this is the cake from the final week, I was really rather proud of it and so glad that it happened to be the day before Jim’s friend Roberta’s birthday – I sent him off to celebrate with her, cake in hand.

So really there isn’t much else to say about cakes

Close up of the faces I learned to make (they didn’t make it on the cake):


Close ups of the clown – I love him:




Hearts (I am shocked at how easy these are to make):


Flowers:


and then:


Almost perfect:


The finished product with 2 clowns and all the other goodies:



Shameless excitement:



Enjoy :-)

***I really wish you could see the names of these photos - I was having fun with that!

Friday Fill-in #83

Well this looked like fun... If you want to play go here
Friday Fill-Ins #83

Here we go:

1. If I could travel back in time, I'd go to Dr. Quinn, Medicine woman era.

2. Give me peace or give me rest.

3. I am listening to WROR - because I am not in the mood to change the radio station.

4. Somewhere, someone is thinking OMG I can't believe I have to go (and it's Jim because he has a Dr. appointment AND a dentist appointment today and he is afraid of needles and I have been tormenting him all week telling him there will be tons of needles at both places).

5. I'll always be me.

6. My idea of a good time includes either cuddling my cat or going for a nice walk with my horse.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to Spinners baseball, tomorrow my plans include HALLOWEEN BABY and Sunday, I want to Go see the Sox play!

And because what fun is a post without photos here are a few from this week

Wild flowers from my Saturday morning walk

My African Violets


The tomatoes continue to grow (that is those that haven't died)

Slow and steady

Pretty much every month I find myself rushing around the last three days of the month trying to get all possible billables and bonus hours in for work. I am again doing that this month! My goal for August is to follow the advice of the tortoise and go at it slow and steady ALL MONTH LONG so that maybe next month at this time I will be cruising along rather than tearing my hair out!

But forgetting about work and remembering another great day at the zoo is so much more fun, lazy days where you just walk around and see amazing sights and animals you didn't even know existed share pens with ones you have known since childhood - a great life lesson, why can't we all just get along.

Make a Smilebox free ecard

Turtle facts:
Turtles have good eyesight and an excellent sense of smell. Hearing and sense of touch are both good and even the shell contains nerve endings.

The shell of a turtle is made up of 60 different bones all connected together.

The bony portion of the shell is covered with plates (scutes) that are derivatives of skin and offer additional strength and protection.

Turtles range in size from the 4-inch Bog Turtle to the 1500-pound Leathery Turtle.

Turtles will live in almost any climate warm enough to allow them to complete their breeding cycle.

Turtles live on every continent except Antarctica.

For more information on turtles check out:
http://www.peteducation.com

6 Months

It has been a half year (to the very minute) since Mom grew her wings and went to be an angel elsewhere... It feels like 100 years and 5 minutes. The room is still off limits, the jewelry is still locked away, and the pain is still pretty fresh. BUT I have survived and THAT is more than I thought was possible...

I found out yesterday that they are having a fundraiser with 4-H to place a granite bench in her honor at the fairgrounds. In the spot where she always sat - with her name inscribed.

They miss you too Momma

The fun, the fabulous, the fourth

SO... I love scrapbooks, I think they are a thing of beauty. Each picture shown to the best of it's ability (much like a horse in fitting and show but I digress) and together the pictures create a story or a snippet of a day worth remembering. The flaw with all this is that I do NOT like to scrapbook. Sigh, what to do what to do... Well in walks our hero without his cape and he announces "Hun I bought you a year's subscription to smilebox, it says you can make gorgeous scrapbooks online and then have them printed or print them at home... I thought it would help you get some photos off your camera" WELL was he ever right, it also helped me realize I don't need to save every picture I take :-) AND AND AND it allows you to blog what you made with just a click of a button - how cool is that? So here is my first installment of "A day worth remembering"

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

I do realize that my pages are nowhere near as beautiful as those of Michelle, Danielle, and Tricia but I actually made them (which is something I never would have done otherwise) and they are beautiful in my book... The only thing I "edited" was that there is that white border around pages when you print them so I cropped that and glued the whole page to some pretty cardstock. All in all the 5 pages took me about 25 minutes and are an okay substitute for someone like me who will never spend the time for real scrapbooking...

Oh and PS I printed 2 copies and gave one set to my sister so she would have pages to remember the day too...

Swapping fears

skirt
Originally uploaded by AlwaysJoy

So I have been enjoying swapping for quite a while now (I would say a year or so) and I love getting to shop for someone and hopefully sending them a package that will make them feel thought and cared about...

This time I was swapping lengths of sheets (26" and from a twin sheet so exactly that wide)

I got the pattern and joined the swap from http://www.polkadotcreations.com/blog/ a fun blog that I read...

I honestly have no idea why I would even join this swap since I DON'T SEW! But I did and I had a great time finding a sheet to cut and send and I loved seeing the pretty material that came in but I was pretty sure I was never going to "Get around to it". Well long story short my fear of sewing machines continues (Sharon this is why we need to take that class) but I really wanted a cute new skirt so I made not one but 2 (for me and 1 for my niece) by hand... I did a web search on how to sew by hand and it taught me the stitch and I bought the elastic and some thread...

And although by machine it would have taken less than an hour (and probably wouldn't have had any oopsies all over it) I was so pleased that less than 4 hours later I had a skirt I could wear. And wear it I have - to work, to the 4th of July, to walk the dog... And I have made another one which is just as nice (though I don't like the waist as much I wonder what I did wrong) and has been worn as well...

So with no more chatting here are my "masterpieces"
Okay having issues with blogger so see the post below for skirt # 2

Swapping fears skirt two

Skirt #2
Originally uploaded by AlwaysJoy

For some reason I couldn't get both pictures in the same post so here is the second skirt

Everybody's doing it

My creation
Originally uploaded by AlwaysJoy

1. joy!, 2. flickr colors fruit slushies, 3. Autumn walk, 4. The closed window, 5. Blue in the face, 6. the dead come together to drink their desires, 7. " One Hundred Years of Solitude " - Loneliness - by Janusz, 8. 送你一颗棉花糖 Cotton Candy, 9. papapapapapapaaaa..., 10. Meeting the pregnant princess of the forest, 11. Snap. Crackle. Pop., 12. Swap-bot ornament from AlwaysJoy

1. What is your first name? Joy
2. What is your favorite food? Blue Vanilla Slushies
3. What high school did you go to? SEEM
4. What is your favorite color? Pink
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Michael J Fox
6. Favorite drink? GOOD Lemonade
7. Dream vacation? Cruise
8. Favorite dessert? Cotton candy?
9. What you want to be when you grow up? Happy
10. What do you love most in life? Walks
11. One Word to describe you. Bland
12. Your flickr name: Alwaysjoy
I think (looking at this) that it actually gives you a pretty good picture of me.

Working on goals...

So back in the spring I posted some goals for the summer.
ONE of which was to take some classes (still looking for a good writing class - may try it online) and am currently taking cake decorating at AC Moore... It is interesting to say the least and I am enjoying learning a new craft... Hopefully a few of you will get to be the recipient of a beautiful cake in the future...

Nope I am no Duff and never will be :-P



This was a "practice cake" that was teaching us lots of different techniques! Next week is an actual cake because we are celebrating Dad's birthday the next night and I asked if I could do my work on a cake so he could have something beautiful to cut into!

Make new friends

But keep the old

"One is silver and the other gold"

This weekend I was fortunate to get to meet Mr. Christian and see my good friend Tricia at the same time. We got to go for a nice walk and chat and all around have a great day.

Christian wasn't too sure he liked me in the beginning but I think by the end he had warmed up to me :-)

Thank you for a wonderful day Tricia and for letting me hold your beautiful baby boy... And I am so glad that I am not meeting him for the first time when he graduates kindergarten!

This is one of my favorite pictures of the mister because I know that he is only half in the frame because he was WAY too busy jumping for me to get a great shot and I love the absolute joy his face holds here.

And seriously look at Tricia! Her tomatoes are almost as tall as she is... She is the wonder gardener!

2 Parts

I have decided to start a monthly (or slightly more often) animal of the
month (maybe it should be animal of the moment). There is a two fold for
this:

1- It will help us all learn a little more about the animals

2- It will get my sorry butt to the zoo more often (and seeing as I have
a membership...)



Today Sharon and Roy are getting married;
I wish them all the wonderful things that go along with that. Being
married to Jim is one of the most wonderful things in the world - it is
having a best friend that I know won't leave because he doesn't like
something I have said or done. There is a great amount of calmness in
having him beside me "For better or worse" and the best wish I can send
to Sharon and Roy is that! Enjoy the minutes, the years fly!!!!



In honor of their wedding I thought I would pick an animal that had a
beautiful train and walked every aisle as though she owned it.
Introducing "Madame Peacock" - the day I took this picture was hot and
humid and most animals were hiding inside or laying as though dead (or
wishing they were)







Peacock information:



The Peacock is the national bird of India.



Because of human encroachment into their natural territories, peafowl
and humans have come into increasing contact. Because of their natural
beauty some are reluctant to classify the birds as pests but their
presence can be disturbing.



Peafowl are omnivorous and eat plant parts, flower petals, seed heads,
insects and other arthropods, reptiles, and amphibians. In common with
other members of the Galliformes, males possess metatarsal spurs or
"thorns" used primarily during intraspecific fights.



The male (peacock) Indian Peafowl has iridescent blue-green or green
coloured plumage. The so-called "tail" of the peacock, also termed the
"train", is not the tail quill feathers but highly elongated upper tail
coverts. The train feathers have a series of eyes that are best seen
when the tail is fanned. Both species have a crest atop the head.
****Okay so this means that "Madame Peacock" is a Monsieur Peacock but
really he is walking around with a train so I am sticking with
Madame!****





Lastly, we had the best time at the zoo... Jim was a sport (he was dying
of heat) and walked all over with me, he allowed me a million pictures
AND he made sure I didn't see even one snake. What a hero - Yup THAT'S
why I married the boy!



CONGRATS SHARON AND ROY!

Through my eyes

I try (though I most certainly do not always succeed) to make this a cheerful blog – a place that people can come and read and not leave wanting to harm themselves (or others). For the most part this means I avoid talking about my mom these days. But today I have something to share and it IS cheery and about Mom – mine or yours, it doesn’t matter.

Last night I was talking to a friend who has a sick Mom and has BEGUN the process of realizing your parents’ mortality – this is such a hard thing to do your mom is the person who is always there when the world isn’t. Well I stumbled through offering what support I had (visit often, make memories, remember the person not the disease, and from Dr. H I remembered “Accept her decisions like the lady she brought you up to be”) and she had to go finish dinner so we hung up, literally not a minute had passed when it occurred to me that I hadn’t said to her what needed to be said so I called back and said something like this

“Having your Mom die will suck, there is no denying that. There will be sadness and questioning but there is also this one little glimmer of coolness in it, I never again have to wait to get home to tell Mom I saw the cutest _______ she sees it with me, I never have to call her to tell her to look at the _________ (rainbows and sunsets were my favorite to call for) she enjoys them as I do, I don’t even have to show her the new clothes I bought and tell her the deal I got them on – she is there with me. Mom and I? We share a set of eyes and she sees all that I want to share with her”

Of course this made my friend cry but in a good way (I think and hope). Then I called Robyn and I was telling her this (HEY! I was rather proud of me for this one) and she said that she wished someone had said that to her that it would have made her feel a little less alone and that it was a great way to *look* (pun intended) at it…

I probably won’t have time to write again before the weekend so have a great father’s day and if your Dad isn’t available for a hug I hope you can find something special to share with him through your eyes – a whole new meaning to double vision.

A time of growth

That title sounds like so much more than this post is about :-)
(I am talking about plants here)

But first, for the past 7 years I have watched Alicia’s gymnastic recital and each year she does an “okay” job. She doesn’t excel but she also enjoys herself so it’s always been a great way to spend a night. THEN came along last night where my shy and not too talented young niece left and this direct, thinking, calculating girl took her place. Before she does anything she stops plans it in her head (I swear you can watch it happen) and nails it! Not a wobble on the balance beam (she was the ONLY one to not fall off at all), a floor routine that was exactly what was asked for, tumbles that were flawless, and a back walk-over that is levels above where she is! But if you ask me her biggest accomplishment of the night was that she got on the podium, accepted her medal and stopped, smiled and let us take a picture! Way to grow up Ja-Belle, I have enjoyed watching you blossom into this amazing confident young lady – keep up the good work!


Speaking of blossoming lets talk about my plants! I have growing for my vegetable garden 08:
Tomatoes (red and yellow)

Squash (winter)
Peppers (Cayenne and Jalapeno)
Leeks
Strawberries
Raspberries
Watermelon

Cilantro
Parsley
Thyme
Basil (green and purple)

Dill
Mint
Chives
And Stevia

So far everything is looking great I have at the very least seedlings but in most cases I have good sized plants, and I got some information on how to store some of this for winter use – I plan on making some sun dried tomatoes since I have like 5 or 6 tomato plants and drying the peppers was on my list though I really don’t know if that will happen.

And for my “regular garden” everything is planted and looking pretty darn solid I am sure that in a couple weeks it will be a thing of beauty right now that it looks like a garden that just got planted and needs to get more work done it… I will post pictures now and again in a few weeks so we can check the difference. This is technically my rose garden but last year’s neglect (I was busy) added to this winter’s beating means that out of 10 bushes I lost 7, I am happy for the 3 I have left and will slowly grow back the garden but meanwhile it is a rose and annual garden (instant color).


Lilac season has passed which is always so sad to me since I think for those weeks my yard is gorgeous, but this year I actually looked forward to it passing since my neighbor and I are taking shoots from each other’s bushes so that we can have more variety in both of our yards – so he will take a couple of my French lilacs and I will get one or two of his white, I can’t wait to see how gorgeous that looks in a few years, I will have a hedge of pale purple, white and French (almost black purple) lilacs – I think it will be a thing of beauty!

Enjoy your springs and all the new growth around you!

(Tricia that means baby Christmas growth for you)

The post I had to write

This one is for me…

Ted Kennedy has brain cancer. As of this moment they haven’t told us what kind… We know it is a Glioma but not too much more than that.

My heart is breaking for him but more so for his family. I remember those first days at that same hospital, in that same solarium very probably with almost the same picture (it's amaxing how fast pictures become so much more than priceless), it was a scary place. It was a place where the future loomed short and dark.

Even as little as a week later it wasn’t so scary, it wasn’t so ominous, but it was life changing. For Mom most certainly, for me, for my family, and for mom’s many friends and loved ones, and I am betting for my wonderful friends who supported me so well.

If I could write a letter to the Kennedy family (not necessarily Ted since I haven’t been there but I have been the one supporting) I would tell them that they are headed down a path that is twisty and curvy and sad and amazingly happy… That there will be moments of pure terror and sadness but there will also be moments of love and amazement and that the docs at MGH are day to day heroes who create miracles big and small ALL. THE. TIME!

I hope for them that they get those moments that I got. Some of my all time favorite memories of mom are on our way to radiation or blood draws. “Mom can you pass me a tissue?” “You want me to paint you a picture?” And smiles and laughter and seeing the same bus daily and the knowledge that TOGETHER we were fighting and together we could achieve anything… She and I may have failed but we surely had a great time fighting!

Cancer sucks, there is no doubt about that! The moments that it gives you by FORCING you to realize that we are not immortal are priceless. I hope the Kennedy family not only gets to know those moments but gets to enjoy them for a long time to come.

I wish them all the best

Sometimes…

Sometimes life, the universe, karma or whatever you want to call it gives you a leg up. Last night I got a boost in the saddle of life, yesterday was a miserable day for me which started with a dream that wasn’t real, got worse with a Drs appointment that left me in tears, then a phone call from a friend changing plans made it a little worse (but not too much I was already pretty low) and a work that is way too busy for brain cells to be stopping left and right. So when someone asked if I was going to storytelling I said I would think about it, I *knew* I wasn’t going… I was too tired and frankly too sad.

Then Lani called and even the sound of her voice can make me smile, and she let me know that she was the feature and well the deal was sealed – I WAS GOING. Jim took the night off and met me there, we sat outside and Jim enjoyed a chicken ceaser salad sandwich and we talked while sitting on the grounds of Harvard Divinity.

Storytelling was good and I enjoyed talking with people and just embraced a wonderful night… And then it was Lani’s turn and as always Lani was magic, she took me to England, and Scotland, and Ireland and she brought me home – safely home. One of my FAVORITE parts about Lani’s telling is that I know going in she will bring me to magical places and take me home and I will be a little __________ (better, happier, more peaceful?) for having gone on the journey with her.

After that my secret crush (is it really a secret when the WHOLE storytelling world and the person themselves knows that I adore him?) invited Jim and I out for dinner. Jim was full but thought that my craptastic day might improve by sitting at a table with my version of two of the most handsome men in the world (No Marianne not Duff – though THAT would be sweet, get it sweet?) so he agreed and off we went. I got a great drink, though honestly 3 sips in I didn’t remember what it was… Beckett was on the TV behind SC and I was a happy girl. I mentioned to SC that Beckett was on my 5 list (and stopped just shy of telling him he was too THANK GOD) and we talked about crushes and life and growing up and the world. And although I left there a little tipsy (okay a lot tipsy) and pretty tired (it was after midnight) I also left there sitting a little higher in the saddle and had (have?) forgotten the crap that made yesterday a waste of a day…

Kind of like Lani’s stories, I arrived safely home a little better for the journey.

I love being an Aunt…

When you are an aunt and you babysit once a week for free you get certain liberties…
They aren’t great and huge but they are things like
“I hear the ice cream man let’s go get something before dinner”
OR
“Ohhhh Alicia you want taquitos, and Stefy you want BBQ chicken, and Danielle you want meataballs and Tyler you want cheese? Okay! We can do that!”
OR
“If we don’t look at the clock it’s not 8:00 yet girlies and we can paint our nails”
Or any # of other silly little things that moms can’t do because they need to grow up good responsible humans – I only have to be the cool aunt, and that is a great thing.

Ummm yes all of things happened last night as I watched the kids, ummm yes I really did let Tyler eat a Sponge Bob ice cream before “dinner” and then let him eat a bowl full of shredded cheese for dinner.
Ummmm yeah I did try to get Stefy out of trouble for getting another detention (one away from either being kept back or put in summer school for behavior)
Well yeah I did let a 7 year old stay up until 9:00 on a school night (but she was being good…)

BUT on a side note (and only because I am super excited about this) Today is Corey’s 31st birthday and the girls and I wanted to make him cupcakes and AGAIN there were no eggs (what does Christy have against eggs) so I did a quick websearch and came up with this (after looking up “cake mix low fat recipe”) http://www.calorie-count.com/forums/post/1832.html
BUT we didn’t have any diet coke so I thought of the MOST brilliant idea I have ever come up with… They had Sunkist and we had our choice chocolate or vanilla cake mix… Isn’t the “in” flavor right now chocolate and orange (bet you can see where this is going)
I followed the directions then let each girl pour batter into 4 cupcakes and let me tell you they rose beautifully and the girls (who ate one) said it was AMAZINGLY delicious and per the birthday boy (who had one for breakfast today) they are wonderful… So here is a great in a pinch low fat recipe.

Chocolate orange cake
1 Betty Crocker Devil’s Food cake
1 ½ cups Sunkist
½ cup chocolate chips
Vanilla and Chocolate frosting

Mix cake and Sunkist until combined. Add in chocolate chips and stir briefly. Portion into 12 cupcake tins lined with pretty cupcake liners bake @ 350 for 20 minutes (probably would have been less if I had pre-heated the oven) allow to cool and frost. ENJOY.

And lastly a picture of Tyler AFTER I let his sisters use him as a dolly…


Okay I lied and lastly check out my watermelon


Yup I love the new Centro - best phone ever!

A weekend away

A weekend with TYler (who now says I am T Y because he knows that is the beginning of his name)

The cold air and rain required lots of indoor activities...

We came up with a 2 hour train ride in first class (more comfy seats and more importantly for me heat)



Tyler spent the entire ride in awwwww he couldn't get over the fact that HE was actually on the train and he sang the soul train song most of the way



The view



Another view shot



Tyler and Daddy on the phone calling Mommy (who was standing next to me)



Tyler and Uncle in the pool... Jim was in his little heaven after Tyler and I left and he got in a good hour of laps! (I think I am not supposed to add the part where he can't lift his arms today)

Aaackkkk I think I am thinking this through too much

I just didn’t know what to post so I haven’t posted anything. Not too much is new…

I have actually finished ALL the gifts that I am making for Christmas 08 (yup you read that right)… Can’t post any pictures since if you read this chances are you are getting one of them ;-)

I am starting to feel better again and am loving the promise that warm weather will soon be here (it will be here soon, right?) I am looking forward to warm nights on the back porch sipping a nice cold glass of _______________ (fill in your favorite). Jim promises me that this year he will ACTUALLY grill – HA every year I tell him that that’s a guys job (yeah I know I am taking woman’s lib down a few notches here – I do it when I say that taking my car to the shop or to get gas isn’t my job either) and every year he offers to buy dinner every single time I mention we should have grill for dinner.

Yeah see I really have nothing here so you can get a list of my summer goals. By September I would like to be able to:
-Run 5 miles (all at once)
-Bike 20
-Have a clean house that I love to have people over to
-Have the hot tub installed
-Had successes in my garden (I stick with it is a garden even if it is in pots not in the ground)
-Have Christmas shopping complete and wrapped
-Have gone on a couple of vacations (even if they are just long weekends)
-Have redone the living room
-Have a new kitchen table (or table top whichever the case may be)
-Have taken a few classes (already have one planned with Sharon and would like to take another on writing so maybe this blog won’t be painfully sucky to read anymore)
-Have gotten to a few Tuesday nights at Blue’s
-Been to a couple Red Sox games


What are your summer goals?

Winners and a story...

Well *DRUM ROLL PLEASE* the winners are:
Erin
AND
Michelle

NOBODY guessed the first vacation so I am awarding two for vacation B.

The vacation story goes a little something like this:

We woke up SUPER early and got to Logan headed to Las Vegas BUT our flight was being serviced so American Airlines put us on another flight (to Chicago) letting us know that once we got there they would get us to Vegas "straight away"

Well we got to Chicago and spent the next 29 hours on stand-by (with a few hours off to sleep (and in Jim's case swim and ride the flume) at the local hotel) at which point... American Airlines sent us home (our Vegas ready wardrobe wasn't up for 40 degree Chicago...

Captain Kangaroo flew us home and I managed (with the help of GREAT meds) to not completely lose it - and Jim can now say that he has flown with me...

We decided to sqeeze the lemons (when life give you lemons - make lemonade) and go to Vermont for a few days... WELL when we got there? It was the coldest it had been all winter and Mount Snow? CLOSED... Sugaring? CLOSED... Anything else you can think of? CLOSED... So we hung out and played a lot of games and I shopped! A LOT! I SHOPPED A LOT! The stores were open... But you know what? It was a great vacation! I was with Jim and really THAT was the goal of this vacation! AWWWWWWWWW (Don't gag)

Michelle and Erin, I will be sending you little token presents from Vermont on Monday... Have a great weekend!

Vacation pictures?

Well I really can't get the pics off my camera BUT I came up with this idea... I web searched the places we were and found these pictures. Leave your guesses (There are two places here so you get two votes) good luck - there are prizes to be won :-)

Vacation A -

Vacation A -

Vacation A -

Vacation A -

Vacation B -

Vacation B -

Vacation B -

6 non-important things

Erin tagged me for a meme….6 non important things/habits….

Here are the rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

6 Things:

1. I refuse to buy a new car because car payments stress me out.

2. One of my favorite parts of my husband is that he makes holidays kid-like for adults and we all love it!

3. I have loved the color combination red and purple since I was 16

4. I can't figure out how to get the pictures off my camera to get them on my computer so I can blog the vacation photos.

5. I have to take one of my antibiotics with gingerale because I am convinced the bubbles will help to push the ginormous pill down (this was brought on because Jim just brought my pills over)

6. I love giving presents and don't like getting them - My sisters say it is a double standard.


I am tagging Sharon, Laura, and Danielle.

A fun quiz - you know you want to do it!

What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send out. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends and back to the person that sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, which you might not have known.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30
2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? 27 Dresses I think
4. What is your favorite TV show(s)? Biggest Loser (on tonight)
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Who knows?
6. What is your favorite cuisine? My friend Marianne’s cooking
7. What is your middle name? Laurel
8. What food do you dislike? Most
9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? The radio Theatre I have been listening to
10. What kind of car do you drive? Volvo 240DL
11. Favorite sandwich? Pickles tomatoes and onions
12. What characteristic do you despise the most? Dishonesty/self-absorbedness
13. Biggest fear? Losing the people I love
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? I don’t know I really like being home
15. Favorite brand of clothing? Brand????
16. Where would you like to retire to? Probably Chincoteague
17. First kiss? Alex maybe or Dante, I have no idea
18. Favorite sport to watch? Football or equestrian it just depends if the Pats are playing because I really like to watch them work
19. Furthest place you are sending this? I dunno
20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? not sure
21. Person you expect to send it back first? Not sure
23. Morning person or a night person? Morning
24. What is your shoe size? 6 or 6.5 according to the shoes I bought Sunday
25. Any new news you'd like to share with us? I got nothing
26. What did you want to be when you were little? A Librarian
27. How are you today? good. getting stuff done!
28. When is your birthday? May 23
29. What is your favorite candy? Smarties
30. What is your favorite flower? Daisies or ranunculus
31. Favorite drink? Water with fruits in it (real fruits floating)
32. What are you listening to right now? Some song I don’t know
33. What was the last thing you ate? HA! A peppermint patty
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I am feeling pink today
35. How is the weather right now? cold and rainy
36. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Fred
37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, she is so sweet!
38. Favorite restaurant? Pachino’s
40. Siblings? 3 great sisters (but only one favorite)
42. Favorite Day of the year? First day of summer
43. What was your favorite toy(s) as a child? ET
44. Summer or winter? summer
45. Chocolate or vanilla? vanilla
46. Do you want your friends to email this back to you? YES!
47. When was the last time you cried? Way too often lately
48. What is under your bed? My wedding dress and that is it!
49. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Amy
50. Favorite sound? A good story

Goodbye my old friend – I will miss you more than you know!

***The promised “Vacation Photo Challenge” pictures will be posted tomorrow please come back to vote – I will be sending 2 prizes out!

Last night somewhere around 11:00 my beloved Needles drew her last breath as Jim and I sat beside her talking about all the wonderful times we have had together I remembered the day I fell in love with that old bag of bones and how crazy a “weekend” it really has been.

I was twelve years old and too big for my little white pony and so it was time to find a horse – we were on limited funds which meant we were more creative than most ($600 – I still remember thinking that my mom loved me a LOT to spend her $600 in savings to get me a new horse) I looked at a large pony with one eye named chief but although he did everything I asked I just didn’t love him, and then we went to look at Bum a HUGE chestnut standardbred and although I loved how big he was and beautiful the vet said no he had heaves (horsey (heehee) asthma). There were many others the unremarkable ones – those that were meant to share someone else’s lives and hearts but not mine…

We got a call that there was a soon to be rescue in the forest and we could go look at her before they called someone to come and dispose of her, Mom and Robyn said yes I said NO (I didn’t want anybody else’s trash), I literally went there kicking and screaming. We walked down the muddy slope and Robyn and the animal control officer of the town walked by one horse and towards the barn, I looked at the horse they had just passed by and started talking to it – the poor thing was up past her knees in mud and was a skinny tiny eared little beast… She walked right up to me, and I couldn’t get over the gentleness of her eyes and the patient sweet face, mom was right behind me and I looked up at her and told her I loved this horse – that this was the feeling I was waiting for and I didn’t want to see the horse inside the barn I wanted THIS ONE – she needed me and I needed her! Sadly, mom nudged me towards the barn and for every step I took the skinny horse took the same step with me with each step I fell more and more in love! When the ACO and Robyn saw what was happening they laughed and said “I guess we don’t have to get some grain to get the horse to come to Joy” and my eyes welled with tears when I realized that THIS was the horse we had come to see the one who had already stolen my heart. In short order we learned that she hadn’t been fed in months and was eating sheep’s manure for it’s nutrients and that was all that was keeping her alive – when the person bought the house for some reason the horse had come with it and they were afraid of horses and actually called her a kid killer. The mud in her pen stole my boot when I went to hug her and was well taller than my knees – she hadn’t been allowed any shelter in the time they had owned the house and that mud was her day in and out companion. Robyn got her out of the “pasture” and brought her to me – I was in love I put a gentle leg over her skinny beyond words back and was happily sitting on my BFF a position that for the next 21 years was my safety net. A week later we were FINALLY able to pick her up and bring her home EVERYBODY was convincing me that it was just for the weekend and that then we would put her to sleep on Monday but she would die in a place that she was loved… I knew better I knew that she would indeed die in a place that she was loved but it would be a lifetime first… And it has been! Thank you Needles for giving me the best that you were, thank you for making me into the best that I can be… And last night? I kept my promise, you died surrounded by those who love you (including Robyn who promises me that God lets horses into Heaven and you and Mom are finally going on that long awaited ride) I love you – goodbye my old friend!

Surfacing (maybe?)

As all of you know who read this blog I have taken some time off due to my world being rocked on it’s side… I am certainly not over losing my mother and suspect that I never will be – and you know what? That’s okay…. I have long said “That which does not kill us makes us stronger” I have so many things I want to talk about… Some of them I will no doubt delete before I post this so I don’t hurt any feelings (that is never my goal)

I want to tell you about my mother, I want to tell you that as everything she did in her life she left this Earth on her terms! Not cancers! I want need to tell you that she told cancer to both Fuck off and go to Hell… All the while making sure I knew that I was loved.

Sunday I woke up and spent the day with mom – not in the “sick bed” kind of way that people would think. I picked her up and carried her teeny little body to the living room and Cheryl, Alicia and I played games – at some point in there I actually commented to Cheryl that I could go on like this forever having Mom in and out and knowing that I could take care of her – I was confident in her pain management by then. Mass General had sent out it’s own doctors and they were working up plans to keep her well and comfy. She was swallowing ice chips and the occasional sip or two of Boost. I really thought she had a couple of weeks left, she was out of her constant sleep and every time someone said I love you to her she replied in kind. She sat in her chair and listened to us play games and we had a great time, just sitting by the fire loving mom and seeing her smile while she slept beside us – it was truly one of those moments where you know that everything in the world is EXACTLY where it should be. Cheryl had brought over some cinnamon apple bread and was heating it up and the scents were wafting through the house… It was living a Christmas carol! Then we got mom all settled in her bed again and they left (well in that we live 109 feet apart kind of leaving ie they were in and out all day) and with NO notice mom’s two best friends stopped by (independently and about 30 minutes apart) to talk to her and let her know they loved her (I am now convinced that she needed this in order to go) she woke up for both of them! Nothing spectacular happened and we went to bed – mom was having little cute birdie coughs that the nurse who had stopped in earlier in the day had shown me how to relax her lungs… A little after 3 AM they got worse and more frequent and I decided to sleep on the floor of her room so that I could cup her back each time she coughed more quickly… Around 7 AM it settled and I decided I would go to work and I got up dyed my hair, took a shower and went downstairs (Jim was with mom meanwhile). Then Jim got ready for work and I hung out downstairs I talked nothingness to mom and just relaxed. Jim left (he had a storytelling show) and I waited for Cheryl and while I was waiting I decided I was staying home – I just wanted to be there to enjoy the glow of the weekend a little longer and Mom didn’t look great – not awful but not great. Cheryl came over (with all her working gear) and I called my boss and IT to set up my VPN. Cheryl and I went in and looked at Mom. C didn’t love how she looked and I couldn’t find the thermometer (found it a little later after I no longer needed it) so I ran to Walgreen’s (called Hospice on the way) and grabbed a thermometer (I found a cool one that you just stick on a persons head) and a bottle of liquid tylenol (just in case) when I got back Mom’s breathing was shallow and infrequent and Cheryl and I took her temp chattering all the way. Cheryl asked her to take a breath a few times and she did and it was good – she regulated and we left her to rest (knowing that hospice was on the way – ohhh yeah I also turned up her oxygen just to give her a little help in that aspect.) I was so not worried about her that I went up stairs to work on getting my VPN set up and about 3 or 4 minutes later I heard Cheryl get up and walk to mom’s room (all of 4 steps so I got up to join her – I am fiercely jealous of anyone getting more Mom time than me) and as I hit the doorway I heard her say “Mom take a breath, Mom BREATHE” and I ran downstairs… And that was it, my life as I know it just ended, and I know that people keep thinking I had tons of warning but really I never thought it would happen… That my mom who was so full of life all of a sudden had none left to give or share, she was gone.

The day was crazy waiting on family to come say goodbye and the hearse and making decisions at the funeral home and friends and family coming over and well Mom wasn’t there – and I know that this aspect should have occurred to me but I suppose that if I am honest I was prepared for her to die but not for her to be dead, it’s so so weird! She is my mother and she is the one who is always there ALWAYS!

The next week was filled with friends and family and cards and flowers and fruit baskets and people being wonderful and it was amazing. The other thing that happened is that people frequently said things they thought was kind and considerate and really it was like a kick in the chest… I have learned so much through all of this, I have watched friends who have just been amazing and friends who don’t know what to do and are just avoiding me and friends who really want to help but don’t know how…

So much has happened since then, friends who have lost loved ones, gotten divorces, spent time in the hospital and really the world has continued to turn, mine isn’t yet… But I have to continue if only for the sake of mom… I wish that you all don’t have to go through this (but know that you probably will in some form or another) and I want you all to know I hope that I can be as wonderful for you as you have been for me.

I want to end this with something more cheery (I am after all “Joy”) so I will tell you that spring is coming and when it gets here I am ready – I have heirloom tomato seeds ready to plant (early May) and heirloom pepper seeds (late April) a watermelon kit that I am pushing and planning on starting on May 1st… And last night while I went to pick up some pellets I saw the coolest thing ever at Lowes so of course I bought it - - An ENTIRE salsa growing kit… Which I know means more tomatoes and peppers but there are also herbs (and I love growing herbs) and some green onions… I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!!! Want salsa?

Please hug your parents and let everyone you love know it…