So this blog is totally nothing!
Today I biked to work. Before that I ran 5 miles... I am feeling pretty good about myself... BUT I am also so insecure about this. I have so many friends and family who are proud of me. And I have a few friends and some of my family all coming to see me at the triathalon in July... What if I suck? What if I am the last one to finish? I am so afraid that I will disappoint all the people who have helped me (with technical stuff, or with emotional support) I am a wreck over this. I biked 13 miles in 1 hour flat, and 5 miles took me 45 minutes. These are not great times and I know it. But it is also all that I can do. I am not fast, but I enjoy myself... Now while I am being a scatter brain. Tonight J. and I will for date night go swimming... Not a lot of fun but needed. And while I think of all this I realize that I am not at the thinnest I have been in my life (that was my wedding day) but I think I might be in the best shape of my life. I can run 5 miles and then bike 13 and not be hurting! At 22 I would have died... I was 235 pounds and not proud of me at all! I hated life and just wanted to be invisible. NOW I am happy, have a GREAT husband, a FABULOUS family, TERRIFIC friends, an outlook that is mostly sane, animals who make me complete, a crafting obsession that calms me when it needs to, and a job that I don't hate... I can run and smile and be proud. And J. always thinks it's funny that I work hard at catching people's eyes and smile hard so that they can have a bit of the happiness I now have...
So why am I so worried about a silly triathalon? Certainly you all aren't going to hate me if I am not the best, right?
Okay moment of weakness over!
Friday, June 16, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Funny little thought
So I was thinking today about things (and yes that is ALWAYS a bad thing)
I have a bike. I love my bike :-)
I have had this bike 4 or 5 years. My Mimi bought it for me. It was the last Christmas present she bought me (as a matter of fact) She and I chose it together. We went to Walmart (I hate Walmart) and looked at all the bikes I chose my favorite three and chose from them. It is a happy memory for me.
Well anyway now that I am doing a tri-athalon I need to upgrade my bike. But I love that it is the one my mimi gave me and I am going to keep using it. SO my friend Kevin (who knows EVERYTHING about bikes and is himself doing the 140 mile ride seen here http://www.harpoonbrewery.com/b2b/ )So we have gotten a new seat (gift from Jim), new bike shorts (a gift from Laura), new gloves (a gift from Laura after I fell), new pedals (gift from Kevin ~ and he installed them) new tires are on their way (bought them myself), and "bike shoes" (bought by me because Kevin said that my soft soft soft shoes aren't helping my riding and in fact are hurting it because the fact that they are soft means they are pulling my energy away from the pedals and making me work ineffectively)
And so back to the point of what I was thinking... Would Mimi be happy with all this? I have no idea, she may have thought I was costing everyone time and money by not buying a new bike... But more likely she will be proud when I finish my ride on HER BIKE. Yup her blue bike because everything is pretty with a little blue in it.
thanks for the ramble
I have a bike. I love my bike :-)
I have had this bike 4 or 5 years. My Mimi bought it for me. It was the last Christmas present she bought me (as a matter of fact) She and I chose it together. We went to Walmart (I hate Walmart) and looked at all the bikes I chose my favorite three and chose from them. It is a happy memory for me.
Well anyway now that I am doing a tri-athalon I need to upgrade my bike. But I love that it is the one my mimi gave me and I am going to keep using it. SO my friend Kevin (who knows EVERYTHING about bikes and is himself doing the 140 mile ride seen here http://www.harpoonbrewery.com/b2b/ )So we have gotten a new seat (gift from Jim), new bike shorts (a gift from Laura), new gloves (a gift from Laura after I fell), new pedals (gift from Kevin ~ and he installed them) new tires are on their way (bought them myself), and "bike shoes" (bought by me because Kevin said that my soft soft soft shoes aren't helping my riding and in fact are hurting it because the fact that they are soft means they are pulling my energy away from the pedals and making me work ineffectively)
And so back to the point of what I was thinking... Would Mimi be happy with all this? I have no idea, she may have thought I was costing everyone time and money by not buying a new bike... But more likely she will be proud when I finish my ride on HER BIKE. Yup her blue bike because everything is pretty with a little blue in it.
thanks for the ramble
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