So this blog is totally nothing!
Today I biked to work. Before that I ran 5 miles... I am feeling pretty good about myself... BUT I am also so insecure about this. I have so many friends and family who are proud of me. And I have a few friends and some of my family all coming to see me at the triathalon in July... What if I suck? What if I am the last one to finish? I am so afraid that I will disappoint all the people who have helped me (with technical stuff, or with emotional support) I am a wreck over this. I biked 13 miles in 1 hour flat, and 5 miles took me 45 minutes. These are not great times and I know it. But it is also all that I can do. I am not fast, but I enjoy myself... Now while I am being a scatter brain. Tonight J. and I will for date night go swimming... Not a lot of fun but needed. And while I think of all this I realize that I am not at the thinnest I have been in my life (that was my wedding day) but I think I might be in the best shape of my life. I can run 5 miles and then bike 13 and not be hurting! At 22 I would have died... I was 235 pounds and not proud of me at all! I hated life and just wanted to be invisible. NOW I am happy, have a GREAT husband, a FABULOUS family, TERRIFIC friends, an outlook that is mostly sane, animals who make me complete, a crafting obsession that calms me when it needs to, and a job that I don't hate... I can run and smile and be proud. And J. always thinks it's funny that I work hard at catching people's eyes and smile hard so that they can have a bit of the happiness I now have...
So why am I so worried about a silly triathalon? Certainly you all aren't going to hate me if I am not the best, right?
Okay moment of weakness over!