Shutting down

***These 1 AM posts are never cheery - for a happy post skip this one and go to the one below***

Shutting down can mean so many things.
For example:

After a long and tiring day's work shutting down can be the beginning of the best part of your day (I always say the worst day at home will ALWAYS beat the best day at the office) it could be going home to those you love, stopping at a bar for some cold and relaxing, walking a trail, or biking with a friend. In this case shutting down is something you look forward to all day long!

OR

It could be the now 16 and 0 New England Patriots shutting down the New York Giants in the final minute 9 of a gut wrenching game with people across the globe waiting to pop corks (either in celebration of a perfect season or in celebration of still being the last (and sort of only) team to do it). For me this also meant a phone call from my beloved Jarred and Ashley to cheer!

OR

It could be deciding that you don't need anybody anymore and you are tired of being the burdon and wanting to shut down your friendships if even for only a little while until you are able to give some to them and not just take.

OR

It could mean watching my mother - the one person who has always believed in me (long before I believed in myself) and the person who loves me most in all this world shut down bit by bit, not eating, not drinking, and now bruising coming out on her whole body with pain wracking her. Watching and not even able to help anymore - wishing her pain away in whatever way that can come even at the cost of even more pain for myself.

Damn shutting down! It's always a double edged sword...

1 AM is a lonely place.

Let's just forget

(all I want for Christmas...)

That I went to work after a tough Christmas and got into an office with NO computer because they "replaced" mine but forgot to give me a new one. Lets just forget that they also changed ALL my passwords so I couldn't work on anyone else's computer. Yes, lets even just forget that IT was off... Let it go... Being cranky about it just won't help :-)

So how were your holidays? Mine were interesting I guess on Wednesday all I could think of was how awful they were but now I can't even remember what wasn't perfect... So lets just forget that it was anything but perfect!

Tyler has become my favorite little subject these days (ironically at the same time I have become his favorite person). He has SO much personality and if I try to call him Tyler he stomps his little foot and tells me "You call me boy" (my pet nickname for him) and when there is more than just me around he calls me "Aunty That" because for months and months when he was saying mama, dada, nana Christy was pointing at me and saying "who is that?" and he thinks that my name is that now... He is such a little imp.


This is him and Tiki - please note my poor cat looks more than annoyed she just doesn't like babies - he was being wonderful to her and she was still mad!


And with his Christmas morning coffee???



Mom Jim and I had these great plans, we were going to make: Sugar cookies, Gingerbread men, this tree and a few other things... Well that didn't happen but we did finish this beautiful tree and we had a great family time just chatting and laughing the night away - it was wonderful



Jim and I took all the girlies to the Stone Zoo for Zoo Lights, there is something so magical about being surrounded with some of your favorite people with your breath fogging the air in front of you lights twinkling all around and animals lazily watching the world go by. It was literally like walking through a fairy tale with no words - OOOOH I think next year I will beg storytellers to go with me and have them each take a 15 minute section and have them tell me stories - ohhhhh seriously talk about life's perfection!



At the end of our fairytale walk three different random people walked up and gave each of the girls a ticket so they were able to go on a ride, it was amazing!

May your fairytale's happily ever after start right now!

How very un-Christmas of me

Okay so it is 12:30 on Christmas morning and I am not up wrapping, or baking or any of that. I am getting home from church - I admit to being a C + E christian (and if I am being honest Easter services are boring) but I look forward for months to Christmas eve's midnight mass... I have gone every year since I could drive (before that I went with my mom to the 7:00) and I prefer to go alone but the last 3 years Jim has come and last year and the year before Mom has come too...

But onto tonight's service - ever had one of those night's where EVERYTHING goes wrong? Yeah that's this night and I am blogging it so Jim doesn't have to hear me vent it!
First we were late - I am NEVER late, it's like missing the first part of a movie...Then I grabbed the first seat that I could find and it was next to a very large very smelly man and I am not trying to be judgemental but my eyes are red and sore from it. He also sang VERY VERY loudly and off-key and really how off-key are you when *I*can tell?
THEN the pastor recently resigned and so a deacon was doing the service and really he was bad, and I mean BAD!!! The message was supposed to be "enthusiastic witness" but HE wasn't even enthusiastic! Maybe it was past his bed time? Because he seemed tired.
Then he messed up the candle part - I love this part and it hasn't changed ever as long as we have gone to this church but he did it all wrong :-(
And they sang a different closing hymn - every year until now it has been JOY TO THE WORLD a classic for sure, but this year? go tell it on the mountain, are you serious?
And lastly (if I haven't bored you to tears yet) he ended at 11:55 ummmmm NO! It ends at midnight so we can all wish each other a Merry Christmas... Sigh not a very peaceful beginning.

And yes I know I am over-reacting (but it is my favorite part of the whole Christmas season) but I am giving myself a few reasons... My dog has to go for a neuro consult, are you kidding me? Don't I see quite enough neurologists?? And two there are too many presents under that damn tree with my name on them - does nobody listen to my rules anymore?

Well goodnight and Merry Christmas!

(typed on my new laptop from Mom)

It's amazing

How much work gets in the way of being a good crafter - I have had this week off (YAY) and in two days I managed to finish an entire poncho for mom's Nurse Practioner's mother. Sound a little far fetched? Well her NP mentioned when I was wearing my poncho that she should really get one for her mom because she broke both of her shoulders and getting a coat on and off was all but impossible... So I told her I would make one, she said no I said "well considering how much you have done for my mom I would love to be able to do something for your mom". I started it on Tuesday the 18th @ about 8:00 and I finished it last night around 11:53... There is at the very very least 16 or 17 hours in this thing and my eyes are crossed from working on it BUT it is DONE! I really wanted her to be able to give it to her mom for Christmas and I can say mission accomplished. As in finished complete and otherwise perfecto! I am so pleased!
So here is a picture for your viewing pleasure





Ironically I now have to go to MGH to deliver it - This was going to be an MGH free week but no such luck...
Oh well!

I love my husband

So Thursday night I had a multiple hour communte to go 9 miles by the time I got home I was fit to be tied, BUT I walked in the house to Jim saying "Hunny I bought all the ingredients to make cookies" It was even cuter because the ingredients were pre-made cookie dough and powdered sugar and then sugars and beads for the top. We had such a good time rolling out the dough and cutting shapes it really was a nice peaceful evening after a hectic commute!

Here are few pictures:

cutting out angels

Ready for the oven

Decorating

Posed eating photo by the tree

He likes it!!!

Angels we have heard on high!!!

Stars and snowflakes

Sugar cookie men

white chocolate ginger brownies made by me!!!!

I am so lucky!

I have wonderful friends and family...

I just want to give you an example of my friends this week:

- Dinners dropped off that lasted the whole week
- Daily e-cards that brought me smiles
- Coming over to put up my Christmas tree
- Emails making sure I am okay!
- Nephews who carry (bridle style) a grammy having seizures
- Coming over to celebrate mom's birthday mid-week
- Celebrating Hannukah with mom during more seizures and not making her feel bad about it!
- Phone calls to make sure I am okay with Hospice (I am not - we'll fix that)

I am so very very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life and I am so very very grateful to all of you! You each make the weeks seem so very much more good than bad!

Thank you!

The things you don’t talk about

+++sorry if this is depressing, it certainly isn't meant to be it really is just a rambling curious brain+++

And with whom?
Do you have things that you just don’t talk about with certain people? Like I know most people don’t talk about sex with their mom’s, and the opening of jobs with their bosses, and tampons with men… You know it is that social or comfort barrier thing, but are there other things you don’t talk about? Or other things you just don’t talk about with some people?

I have noticed this in myself lately and I am not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad or just a thing, you know? Part of it is I am certain that I am on a different plane than some of my friends right now and who knows if we can relate with one another and then if you can’t there is that whole awkward silence and (for me at least) you realize you once again are just odd person out. I know that this is really just a rambling post about nothingness but I was just thinking about it.

But it seems to me that I have segregated myself into the person I am (I know that doesn’t make sense but follow me for a minute here) everyone that I know (are there others I don’t know about probably and I wish they would comment so I could make new friends) of who reads this is someone I know (and probably love) but with some of you I talk about crafts, and with a few I talk about my mom, and there is one person I feel like I can talk to about my house, some that I talk about marriage to and some that I chatter endlessly about jewelry to, and none that really want to hear about my horses (those people don’t read my blog), many I complain about my job to and I am sure many other facets of my life that I have separated like oil and water and I wonder why that is? Does everyone do that?

I am not complaining in the least – I am overall very happy with my life and my friendships but it occurs to me that when I die and my friends get together for a funeral (although I think I have decided to forgo) they would be like ahhh yes remember how Joy thought so much about her house before putting in the pellet stove (or appliances or whatever) and others would look at that person like really? And then they may talk about the sadness my mom getting sicker was causing me and there are some who would say “really she dealt with it so easily” and more and more I am sure – odd huh?

I am thinking if I went over to XYZ’s friends house (let’s say a friend with whom I talk about crafts – since this started as a craft blog) and said yeah so THIS is going on in my life they would probably sit and listen and be the wonderful friends that you all are but I guess that it would never occur to me.

Do you do this?
Am I alone in it?
Is there a reason we (yes I am assuming we all do this) do this?
Is it a form of self preservation?

Heck I have friends who I never told mom was sick because then I had someone to call just to chat and not think about it? You know How’s the family? Same old same old, did you see the sales that Macy’s is having on shoes? So weird…

Anyway hugs to all of you and thanks for being a facet!

Random photo post

So here is a little of what is going on in my life ;-)
They say a picture is worth a thousand words - so here's a few grand worth of pics.

Cuddling with Tiki - this is one of my favorite things to do. How could I not with a face like that?

I am SO proud of these little presents - I always try to send my technicians a little Christmas present and I loved the look of the tower gifts this year but they were all so expensive so I made my own. I filled the bottoms with smarties and the top boxes with "candy cane" Hershey's kisses - the total cost was 2.75 each so much better than the $20 each for pre-mades.

And who says I can't cook?

Well certainly not Needles - who ate this and it was the first thing that she would eat in almost a week - she is certainly not out of the woods but will be here long enough for me to wrap my head around the fact that she needs to go!

And lastly a happy thought - this is my favorite Christmas tradition - checking out this house because every year it is such a cute little town they create!

It is officially the Christmas season


HOHOHO everyone :-)

On protons and artwork

Well there is an artist that I have had the opportunity to enjoy the artwork of Tim Murley for the last year. His work is TNMS but I love it... And oddly Jim who likes ABSRACT loves it too - so when I found out that he was going to be at an "affordable artshow" Jim and I decided to go - affordable is 100% debatable but we went anyway. I had decided I would spend up to $150 ---- well we went over budget by 50% BUT we got a steal - another artist commented that we got a $3000 piece and the artist thinks that he mismarked it ;-0 but I am happy - we have a gorgeous piece by the artist of "Rodeo Jones" although it isn't a rodeo jones piece (they start at $8000) it is a similar style and I am SO excited. It is 13" x 56" and I can't wait to hang it in the kitchen.
The show was an experience it was PACKED - like literally we could not walk a step without being stepped on or stepping on someone else. There were 20 artists there and all were amazing and Tim's was highly popular - He was well on his way to selling out Friday night (this was a 3 day show)
Here are a few pictures - let me know what you think?

Moments of greatness @---}--

So, I just got out of bed to write this post (and yes I do realize that this means I have blogged four times in one week - don't get used to it) and it really isn't that significant a post but it was something that came to me in a moment of clarity...

Even in the best thing in all the world it can't be perfect all the time otherwise you wouldn't appreciate it. Not in friendships, families, jobs, animals, cars, houses, or hell even conversations do get truly true perfection. And you know what? That is perfect!!!!!!!!! If you did you'd never appreciate those moments of greatness, I mean when you get your nails done and they are flawless on day one you are oohing and awwing over them but by day three it is just normal and you don't appreciate them. I guess that's how life is. There are moments of greatness, moments of "I mink not" and there are also moment where you are up to your armpits in shit (either literal or not) and if you didn't have those you couldn't and wouldn't appreciate the days when you know that the sun is shining and the birds are singing and well life is happening just for you. And at this moment I am having one of those... A moment of greatness!

I wish you all your moments and that you appreciate them for what they are...

Well it's official

Yup I own the house (and the mortgage that goes with it)
November second Jarred graduated from boot camp with HIGH HONORS - I am so proud! And I bought a house - he called me to congratulate me... Sigh that seemed so wrong!

The funny part of the day (for me) was that it took me almost as long to open a checking account at the bank as it did to transfer the house - - - okay okay okay I didn't have to spend ~ 45 hours in the weeks before getting everything settled so I could open the checking account (ohhhh yeah I will add in here I had to open a checking account with the bank that I got the loan through and get money direct deposited into because of my lacking credit history).

Because the build up was so much for me I assumed that it would be a long drawn out process but in reality it was 45 minutes of paper signing and then back to work, it was all rather anti-climatic I believe.

But anyway here are a few pictures of the day.


Dad selling it - I like this picture because I think he looks happy for me!


I love this picture - after 50 years Dad doesn't even have to ask mom to hold the papers - she just know and reaches a hand out automatically :-)


As John would say (OMG did I just say as John would say?) "Done did it"

*And for some reason the picture of mom signing won't upload - but know she was there and she signed and she was happy for me - actually that night we celebrated over subs (Hey it's what everybody wanted) I said something about it being a good house and mom said "well I have some bad news for you" I asked what truly afraid of the answer her reply? "I sold it today, but the new owner seems really nice maybe she'll let you live here"

And you can look forward to (or dread if you find this boring) more info on the house in posts to come - we are going to be working hard to make it a more "green" house in the months and years to come - the first change happens in November maybe one or two in December - we'll see...

Jim's decorations

A few people asked for them so here they are... Part of Jim's decorations 07...
This year was a more hurried year for Jim decorating because he had "help" from Joey. AND the wind was awful, but overall it was pretty good.

Halloween photo post

Joey was the cutest little chicken head

Alicia and Bekah had so much fun

Joey and Momma Ashley getting ready to go out

Katy in my favorite costume of the night

Mom giving out candy

Alicia is a ham I don't care what she is dressed as

Danielle as a broken Tinkerbell...

Stefanie was a purple witch

And Tyler in his last minute costume when his original costume didn't fit him! (His Daddy wasn't so happy that his son was called a cute little girl all night long)

Abby was cookin'

Halloween Party

I know I am a few days late here but I wanted to show you all some of my favorite pictures from the Halloween party 07... I had a great time and hope everyone else did too - BUT I will tell you there is far too much alcohol left over at my house FAR!!!!!!!!!

Hugh Hefner and one of his girls (Marianne can tell you who)

Joy and Anginettie

Mom holding a baby

Lance Armstrong, I wish I had taken a better picture since this was funny!!!

Bruce and his wife whose world revolves around her (that's her costume NOT a commentary!)

Cowgirl Mom

Laura and the fortune teller

My favorite Sumo Wrestler

Roy, Sharon, and witchy Marianne

Sharon, Marianne and Joy

Kat and Adam

Cheryl

The WORLD'S cutest dog!!

Hope to see you all next year!