I try (though I most certainly do not always succeed) to make this a cheerful blog – a place that people can come and read and not leave wanting to harm themselves (or others). For the most part this means I avoid talking about my mom these days. But today I have something to share and it IS cheery and about Mom – mine or yours, it doesn’t matter.
Last night I was talking to a friend who has a sick Mom and has BEGUN the process of realizing your parents’ mortality – this is such a hard thing to do your mom is the person who is always there when the world isn’t. Well I stumbled through offering what support I had (visit often, make memories, remember the person not the disease, and from Dr. H I remembered “Accept her decisions like the lady she brought you up to be”) and she had to go finish dinner so we hung up, literally not a minute had passed when it occurred to me that I hadn’t said to her what needed to be said so I called back and said something like this
“Having your Mom die will suck, there is no denying that. There will be sadness and questioning but there is also this one little glimmer of coolness in it, I never again have to wait to get home to tell Mom I saw the cutest _______ she sees it with me, I never have to call her to tell her to look at the _________ (rainbows and sunsets were my favorite to call for) she enjoys them as I do, I don’t even have to show her the new clothes I bought and tell her the deal I got them on – she is there with me. Mom and I? We share a set of eyes and she sees all that I want to share with her”
Of course this made my friend cry but in a good way (I think and hope). Then I called Robyn and I was telling her this (HEY! I was rather proud of me for this one) and she said that she wished someone had said that to her that it would have made her feel a little less alone and that it was a great way to *look* (pun intended) at it…
I probably won’t have time to write again before the weekend so have a great father’s day and if your Dad isn’t available for a hug I hope you can find something special to share with him through your eyes – a whole new meaning to double vision.